Corporate Social Negligence!

stumping someone:my way!!

Posted in LOVE by clash on April 18, 2005

it will be crass stupidity and being phoney if i tell that i was captivated by ur charm on the very first meeting we had. ( i mean not the virtual one.. ) . i had my usual scepticism about life and things , that is y i never wanted to meet u coz, i knew the very first time i met u in the chat room, that i had met somebody whom i was in a search for a long long time. and somebody i wud wish to talk to forever in my life!! but u know… as life has not been pretty kind on me for the last few years and it had forced me to be sceptical about things. i never wanted to give in to anybody . i dint want my share of sorrows and questions that irritated my life to be parted with any1 else. troubles and sorrows that i go through now is a by product of th way i lived my life for the past few years!
deep inside me , there was something tht was accumulating or sprouting which made my walking slower when ever i saw a PCO and an intution that forced me to call and talk to you. this irresistable urge was going beyond my control. and i knew that i was getting captivated by a feeling that never occured in me…. i thought i wud let it free.. i thought let the feeling captivate me….it did and so badly, that i started calling u like a maniac!! here also my usual scepticism worked…. i thought how do u bear with me?? i know that im very bad at all these chirpy-chirpy talks that usually crops up when an opposite gender speaks to u… that made me ask things like.. am i killing u?? are u getting fed up???.. but u still hung on.. that really surprised me.. embarassed me… coz all my life i thought , no body can understand me ( the way im..) or bear me…, rather i never made an attempt to make anybody understand me coz i thought it is a worth less process!! ( but i never knew, things will change or turn out to be like this..) but when i met u online, and when talked for the first time.. i had a slight intution that this very person might understand me.. and now i think u r really getting to understand me….
time and things went on. in my journey i thought about u. not the whole time.. coz.. i knew.. may be things wont work out the way i want it to be.. rather if i restrain myself in making u understand me.. then things will go awry !! but lions share of the journey i was thinking about u… u were present in and around me as somethin or the other… ur eyes which i saw in the pic.. many a times i got lost in them… ur voice which i was gettin addicted to, rang in my head a trillion times…. but things had started getting brighter for me… rather to say those eyes and that voice had lightened up my life!!. but u know to be frank , i was never courageous enough to stand up and voice my feeling for u…. ( i hope.. wonder struck when u told that words.. ” i dont want to loose u”.. otherwise.. it wud have gone so plain.. and i wud have never got u) . because i know or i thought , lots of complexities are involved in all these…( still i think…) but intution forced me to be in banglore…. and meet u. but when i reached over there my scepticism cropped up again and i thought i will never meet u.. but the urge over came the scepticism and i just succumbed to it .( lucky im…) i just had to agree upon my slef to meet u. meeting as always was “surreal but great”
after that what all twists and turns happened in ur life.. i really dont know…. but i though abt the meeting for a long time.. i was elated.. rather i was delirious… now u come home… your array of calls to me and the air in kerala which forced u tell me those words ” i dont want to loose u” made me one of the happiest persons on earth that night. beacuse of my constrictions in expressing myself i wud have stammered and blabbered incoherent things when i heard this. and that magical phrase of 3 words which i never uttered to u still haunts me… , but again on a vulnerable situation where my scepticism is over powered by the feeling from deep inside the heart , i utter : I LOVE YOU… for the first time!!
personally i think this is the best piece of prose that i have ever written and im happy… no.. im delirious… and you can always expect the best from me…
it works… or not.. i really dunno…

15 Responses

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  1. clash said, on April 17, 2005 at 6:04 pm

    uhhhh!!

  2. clash said, on April 18, 2005 at 4:56 am

    now.. i have to make one thing clear, what ever thats between us remains between us. now u dont have to re-assert and re-affrirm it in my blog at times. as pistol calls it” b’wood romance” we dont exactly need to stoop to that level! now who ever loves me can mail me in to indythug@hotmail.com and bombard me with mails.
    why i need to tell this is coz many of ma frens glance through this place.. it aint a private blog, these kinda things might create an aversion in them. so lets better be private in our affairs.. may be i dont speak out things.. the way i want to.. but.. i do write it down!

  3. Pistolegriff said, on April 18, 2005 at 7:19 am

    Oh Unnipa; Oh my Unnipa… i love u my Unnipa…

  4. clash said, on April 18, 2005 at 10:33 am

    sad comments are deleted… i dint want it this way!

  5. karun said, on April 18, 2005 at 2:00 pm

    I think I have to see a shrink
    soon.

  6. Anonymous said, on April 18, 2005 at 3:11 pm

    hold on dude!!unni

  7. karun said, on April 18, 2005 at 5:10 pm

    Mafoos “KanianKandi” Chozzter
    is who I always go to when I
    need some mojo upliftment
    (not carnal for buffoons who have
    the tendency to comment on the
    last two words)

  8. clash said, on April 19, 2005 at 2:57 am

    all comment gone?? uh???

  9. Deepu said, on April 20, 2005 at 1:50 pm

    ??? Unni bhai!! what happened???
    u were perfectly ok the other day when we met up,just after vishu,if I remember right.
    man…I cant understand what cud have possibly gone wrong aftr that.
    I hope atleast u dedicate this blog of urs to all those ppl who after reading it started pulling out their hairs sitting up in bed in the middle of the night n burst out “Whats happening …did I miss something…Life is never fair”

  10. glimmer said, on April 21, 2005 at 2:23 pm

    did something happen to you or is it jus the “kazhakinte ithihasam” effect?

  11. clash said, on April 25, 2005 at 9:06 pm

    jill maaaaadi, ppl… its nice to be mean at times right??

  12. chunds said, on May 1, 2005 at 12:16 pm

    hey forget unnipa…. try bum bum!!

  13. Swanima said, on August 21, 2006 at 8:25 pm

    This was beautiful.. brought back memories of an old love ( many blogs have that effect on me.. I try not to read them, but then cannot resist the temptation).

    Could empathize with many things you have written in this… especially the temptation to run to a PCO and call…

  14. St Louis Malpractice said, on August 24, 2008 at 7:52 am

    Nice site….

    Wasn’t looking for this, but great stuff….

  15. jdubya said, on October 14, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    What? This drabble really makes little sense. Spell check and some grammar would be nice too. What I got out of it looks like you allowed yourself to get obsessed with someone who was not tangable. Love between two pcs is not love. just an observation.


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